Boundaries have never meant anything to me until very recently. I grew up in two homes where there were none, so it wasn’t until I really started digging into my therapy journey a few years ago where I started learning about them.
To start – what is a boundary? According to the Oxford dictionary it is “a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.” Where are the limits for you emotionally, physically, financially, or more?
Some examples of boundaries are not over explaining yourself when you say “no,” and saying “no” and sticking to that when people try to change your mind. Other examples are you are okay with kissing your new partner, but your boundary is not going further than that; not allowing people into your house if they haven’t asked beforehand is another boundary; telling someone you will not be spoken to like a child.
So, after having a baby, I have finally started trying to stick to my boundaries. One main boundary is that I don’t want to play “pass the baby” at family functions, and I would rather hold my baby than someone else.
I get comments like “you get to hold her all day, it’s my turn!” Or “what, is mommy so mean she won’t let me take the baby?” Or “it’s my turn!”
And when I don’t give in… many people get upset.
The old me would’ve given in and apologized for absolutely nothing to keep the peace. But now? Heck no. I set my boundary and I stick to them. You must respect them, even if you don’t like it. Trying to make me feel bad because you are upset isn’t going to change anything.
I have learned that I cannot control others’ reactions to my boundaries.
I used to give in and betray myself because I would hate to see how people would react. They’d be upset, or angry, or make me feel bad for feeling this way, and I would hate that. I didn’t want people being mad at me!
Now, I’m like okay, be upset!
Remember that you are allowed to set boundaries for yourself or your family for no reason other than you can. You do not owe anyone an explanation for doing what you want, and don’t allow people to try and change your mind because of how they react.
If they want to throw a fit, then maybe it’s time to see them less. If they’re gonna challenge you, by all means challenge them back, or just firmly say “because this is my boundary.”
This is your life. You decide how you will be treated. I challenge you to make a list of your boundaries, and work on sticking to them. If you struggle like I still do sometimes, give yourself grace. It will take time, but soon enough you will be sticking up for yourself and your beliefs and it will feel so so so good.
Xoxo,
Cheyenne
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P.P.S. Need some peace? Read my blog My 10 Favorite Bible Verses on Fear
